Contrary to Media Writing prophecies, I hate newspapers. Newspapers now only serve as the villain inside the ecosystem of the American Media Monster (and yes I do know it is capitalized!). Feel me straight though 'my' people, I'm calling the institution of Newspapers evil and the mechanics of it, but not the content - clearly.
I ask the Newspaper industry what can your paper, the tangible, offer me that my electronic sources of news can't? See Mr. Newspaper man, you've already lost me as well as the rest of my generation (At least the ones who are cognitively conscious enough to know that News exists). The death of your industry is, well, here. Your twice daily printing that is not delivered through my various computer screens is why I don't, and won't, like you. You see, I work three jobs - one being my own company - and go to school full-time; I have zero time to open your grotesquely large papers and begin paging through your advertisements searching for the News that I want to read, once again, searching for the news I want to read. You fill me up with 12-hour old 'News' that I've already digested and formed initial perspectives on. Until recently, my vision was quite poor and your see through pages and skimpy ink usage made it terribly hard to read your media, aggravating me more than the news! Until you blow my friggin mind with an awesome-ly new medium, I will continue my 10 minute on the hour search of my favorite online News sources that I complete within 5-1o minutes of starting, covering my wide awray of beliefs, perspectives, and meeting my immediacy.
Beyond your inability to compete with my generation's outlets Mr. Newspaper Man, you flex your depleting muscles to ensure that the little twig over the edge that you've caught onto stays firmly rooted - at all costs. I work for a professional racing team under the mission of reaching our audience ASAP with our news and you guessed it, proppaganda. I spam MySpace, Facebook, Twitter, blogspot, I use Press Release services, and ocasionally I'll send an article to the niche industry magazine to publish. Yet you Mr. Newspaper Man consider this amateur work, far-below your stature and style. You have even insitutionalized untangible devices limiting the public strength of these mediums so that your ego and stigma, to your belief's, are upheld. Your 2-dementional suffocation of the American Media Monster has got to end and will with the evaporation of your evilness.
'My' People, I hear, what about the century of Newspaper headlines bringing the world it's gravest and greatest news? How will that tradition and history be carried on? My answer is simple and already beautifully on display.
Mr. Newspaper man, even your one and only friend has left you for the digital affair, photography. Your menacing Stockholm Syndrome tactics on her [photography] have broken. Your last exclusiveness has left you. Sure your papers do run many of the same images as Generation-Y'ers have seen on 'the internet', but once again we saw them hours ago and already are back to watching Most Extreme Challenge on Spike! Tv. Photography has left you knowing that your inability to change would be your kryptonite.
Beyond the personification of all of this, I will forever cherish my Wisconsin State Journal front pages from 9/11, Shock and Awe 2003, 'Mission Acomplished', and the Bush/Cheney 2004 election front page. I comepletly understand the importance that Newspapers play in society, I feel mainly to give us those tangible shocking headlines coined with photos from the internet, and pray [well not really] that those tangible front pages see through to the end of man.
But, Mr. Newspaper Man, I give you the peace sign, blow you a kiss, drop my index finger and say 'PEACE'. (No Gym Class Hero's were hurt in this quote.)
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